DEAR DEIDRE: THREE days earlier than my much-loved husband died, I kissed his greatest good friend – it was so flawed and but so proper.
My attractive husband was recognized with an aggressive mind tumour 18 months in the past and we had been devastated. I’m 32 and he was 34.
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We each gave up work instantly as a result of, fortunately, we had insurance coverage to cowl the payments. We had been married for 4 years.
As issues progressed, I acquired assist from the medical staff however needed to gown him, wash him, feed him and handle his bathroom wants.
In a manner, I misplaced him on the day of his analysis, as we knew there was no treatment.
I couldn’t have coped with out the calm and sort assist of his greatest good friend. He’s 35 and a single dad to a three-year-old woman.
As my husband’s situation acquired worse, I accepted he was slipping away. In my head, I’d already let go of him — but it surely was a troublesome time.
First time nerves
In your first relationship?
One explicit night time, my husband’s mate referred to as in, as he repeatedly did. The nurse was upstairs with my husband doing a little checks and I used to be making us all a cup of tea.
I began to cry as actuality hit house, and his mate came to visit to hug me. As he did, he lifted my chin as much as his and we kissed. I felt such a powerful pull between us and it gave me butterflies.
My husband handed away three days later. Since then his good friend has been there for me, serving to with the funeral preparations and every part else. I’ve caught him me a few instances and, the reality is, I’m growing emotions for him too.
My husband at all times mentioned I mustn’t be alone and I can’t consider anybody else he’d approve of extra.
DEIDRE SAYS: You can still be friends but do be kind to yourself and come to terms with losing your husband first.
Kissing your husband’s friend was crossing a boundary, but he came on to you and this will have been a tough time for you both.
A new relationship may feel like a good way to escape your grief, but there’s no rush. If this man feels like you, he’ll wait.
It will stand you both in good stead if you deal with your loss properly before moving into any new relationship.
Professional bereavement counselling will help you to come to terms with everything, and give you clarity about your long-term future.
My support pack on Bereavement will help and you can find emotional support, and friendships with people in a similar situation, at widowedandyoung.org.uk.